that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
