so explain again why im purple
no
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
