If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
