Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
