Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
