Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
