Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
