Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
