Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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