When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
