You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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