am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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