if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
