i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
