So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
