So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
