my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
