I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
