How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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