I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
