Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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