my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
