You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
