Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize