so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
