five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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