Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
