so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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