It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
