Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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