oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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