Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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