You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
