I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
wow bdsm is so cute
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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