yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's just like the Real World with babies
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
