your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
