Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This couple is walking their pig around campus
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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