He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
