It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
