He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
