I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
