I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Four minutes until I can fart!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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