hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
