I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
