I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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