A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
