Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
