I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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