I wish I only lived at night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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