I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No...this little piggys going to the bar
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
