I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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