i need an iv and a liver transplant
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
