Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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