Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
