he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
