just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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