Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize