I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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