Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
