His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
