Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize