why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
