I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
