dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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