i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
