you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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