did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
