he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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